How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
