Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
