I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
