I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
