so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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