I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
