You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize