Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
