you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
