look no pants
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Randomize
