U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
