There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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