i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
