I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
