Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
