why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
