So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
