Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
