His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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