And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
