Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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