Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
