i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
