dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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