hotel room ftw
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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