My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
