My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
