Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
