Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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