It's like God shit irony all over that family
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
