im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
