no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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