Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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