Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
