She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
