How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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