I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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