i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
