so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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