so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
