my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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