My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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