Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
