I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
