There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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