I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
