just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
