My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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