you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
