there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
