thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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