I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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