my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Green mimosas i think yes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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