life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
a search helicopter?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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