I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
