u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
