I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize