you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
