she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
