Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
