I'm so fucking centered right now
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
