I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
