Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
