I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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