dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
