So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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