I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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