My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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