Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dick very happy bro
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
